Baby Steps

In my new motivation for encouraging myself to start getting out more, I'm attending a group called MOPS. It stands for Mother's of Preschoolers, and so far has been an absolute blessing and saviour. They provide nursery care, while you get together with other mothers, have some potluck lunch, and discuss family issues while keeping our faith on track. Every other session there is either a speaker or a craft. Needless to say it is a great outlet for meeting new people going through and having gone through exactly what I am as a new mom. Today was my 4th meeting that I have attended and I had made up my mind that this was going to be the meeting I put Brianna (my 7 month old baby girl) in the nursery. Although, keep in mind I have said this for the last couple of meetings now. But I hadn't yet been able to muster up the courage to be without her. You see, because as I mentioned in my previous post, that she will only breastfeed, I have never been away from my sweet angel. And so the thought of not being with her is still very scary. Normally I just hold her throughout our gathering, with some relief from the wonderful mentor moms. But I knew, that if I kept this up, I would wind up with a seriuos hip monkey with giant seperation anxiety. Possibly me more than her, on the latter of the two. So, today was the day. With confidence and determination, I took the baby to the nursery, and the wonderful women in the nursery were eager to take my adorable baby girl donned in pink. It seemed so fast. Shouldn't there be some sort of goodbye ceremony? Maybe some brief counseling for the mama? Something? So I headed to my table to revel in my first "alone time" experience. I should've been ecstatic, exuberant right? A break from the baby! Finally! And then in what should've been a joyous moment, I was asked one of those extremely deep and meaningful questions. "How are you?" One of the moms asks in a kind greeting. That's it, that's all it took. The tears came. I explained that this was the first time I was putting the baby in the nursery for our meeting, and I was having hard time. Thank god, they were so empathetic and compassionate, because I felt like a blubbering nutball. They told me it was normal, and I'm not the only one, and with their kind words and hugs, was able to pull myself together and take a breath. I mean really, you would've thought I was never going to see Brianna again! When in reality, she was 30 feet away from me in the nursery. Of which I checked on approximately every 5 mins. throughout the entire meeting. It wound up that she was an absolute angel in the nursery, and content as could be with the wonderful nursery attendants. I was so proud of my baby girl, but then I had sudden feelings of confusion. I didn't know whether or not to be happy she did so well with the attendants, or feel sad that she did so well without me. The conclusion I decided to come to, is all of them. For I'm sure the feelings of sadness of being without her, will last just until she starts movin' and a shakin'. And then I foresee in the future that I will be pleading with the nursery attendants in a state of insanity, "please can't you keep her a little longer?!" As I sit enjoying my free time without her. I'm not there yet, but I trust all you wiser more experienced mothers with toddlers, and believe you when you say exhaustingly, "don't worry you'll get there. TRUST me." Today was yet another milestone for me, with many more to come. Although, have the kleenex supply ready for me, for if I'm this bad taking her to nursery, I can't imagine preschool, kindergarten, etc. Does it ever get easier? Is there hope for my emotional rollercoaster of a ride called motherhood? When do I become normal again? But then again, I suppose if loving my daughter immensely and missing her when she's not around makes me an abnormally blubbery fruitloop, then you know what? Oh well!

TIP OF THE DAY: Don't try and walk before you crawl.