A Lunch Date

It was 11 a.m. this morning, and I was still in my PJ tee (which is not unusual throughout the day for me) when a friend called who had returned from her vacation. We briefly caught each other up on the last couple of weeks and then she alerted me that she was going to be in the area. Then it came....the question....the one I've been avoiding. I'm thinking, oh no, please don't ask what I think you are about to. And then it comes, she asks "do you want to go to lunch?" I quickly thought of all the reasons this idea was absolutely absurd! Was she crazy?!? Take the baby to a restaurant? By myself? You see, I've been out to several restaurant outings by now, but always with my husband,my mom, or my dad. They've always been there to be my crutch, help me get the baby in, get the baby out, help carry the diaper bag, which is followed by us all taking turns holding her while we eat our meal. Not because I couldn't or wouldn't do these things myself, but just because they have all been so helpful and supportive. Then suddenly realizing that my daughter is already 7 months old, and I haven't even gone on a lunch date by myself, I thought to myself....how hard could it really be? No sweat right? I got this! So I confidently say, "Okay, yeah, let's do it!" Then she says," okay, how about 12:15?" I look at the clock in a mild state of panic and realized that's only an hour away. Was she expecting a miracle? Again in this odd state of confidence, which has been rare these last few months, it boosted me to agree to the lunch outing. I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and thought....I can do this! Now granted when we are planning on going somewhere I usually start the getting ready process 2 hours before. But apparently I thought I had magical powers this morning. I jumped in the shower, got dressed, threw my hair back, got the baby dressed, fed the baby and was out the door. The whole time I'm thinking this is perfect. It will be the baby's nap time, I will feed her before we go and she will be asleep in the car before we even get to the restaurant. And then I just know she will sleep like an angel for our lunch date. When we pulled into the parking lot the baby was still wide awake and overdue for her nap. Regardless, she seemed to be in good spirits. It was then, unloading the car seat, that it hit me. That smell, that stench, that odor of...... EXTREMELY STINKY BUTTER! I don't know why it smells like that to me, but it does! Again keeping calm, and realizing it's just a dirty diaper, so far so good. The waitress takes us to the table where my girlfriend and her 18 month old son are, considering we didn't arrive until 12:30. Even still, pretty good time I must say given the circumstances. We give our greetings, pick our soup and then I tell her I will be right back, I'm going to change the baby's diaper. I head to the restroom, with baby and diaper bag in tow. Then I realize, where is the changing table? I'm looking in every stall, and of course the family stall is locked. No problemo! I will just wait a minute. As the stench started to consume the restroom, I realized this child needs to be changed! For the love of god, a clean diaper please!! I go out and ask the hostess if there is a changing table in the restroom. And inevitably the answer was that it was in the family stall, the exact stall I couldn't get into! So I head back into the restroom, realizing it was either the bathroom counter or the floor. Obviously I chose the counter. Which consisted all of about 12 inches across between the 2 sinks. I pull out my travel pad, put the baby down for a standard diaper change, and then she smiles at me. It's then that I see poo drenched pants, coat, and onesie (all brand new I might add) that I just got her dressed in to look cute for our lunch date. As I pulled off her pants and unsnap her onesie to assess the damage, I see the poo up her back, down her legs and across her tummy. I gasp in terror, not only because I had no idea what to do, but because the wretched smell took my breath away! Apparently the prunes that she tried for the first time last night decided to kick in right at this opportune moment. I started pulling out gobs of wipes, and utilized almost the entire stack of paper towels next to the sink. I kept wiping and wiping, what at first seemed to be smearing and smearing. It was then that 2 other patrons entered the restroom. Oh my gosh what they must be thinking! The stench was awful and the evidence just sitting in the garbage can ripening with odor! Once they finished they headed to the sinks to wash up. The exact area I was completely spread across, with wipes, poopy clothes, diaper bag, etc. I apologized profusely, and was comforted by the women who stated they've been there before. At this moment it dawns on me. Suddenly I burst into prayer. Dear Lord, please, I am begging you, let there be a spare outfit in the diaper bag. Holding my breath I frantically search the diaper bag for spare clothes. At the very bottom, I find a complete new outfit ready for wearing. It's as if I heard the music of "Alleluia" in the background with beams of light! Phew! I wrapped the poo drenched clothes in paper towels and shoved them in the diaper bag. As I have now hurdled through the worst, it's then another new mom finally comes out of the family stall and says,"they're a handful aren't they?" All I could muster to say through my beads of sweat at this point was, "yeah, heh heh, handful." She then alerted me that she was done with the changing table now if I needed it. And although what came out of my mouth was a polite thank you, my thoughts said, "well gee! It's a little late!" Like somehow this was all her fault. I finally got the baby dressed and was able to return to the table about 10 minutes later. By this time our soup and salad had arrived, and I finally got to sit down with my girlfriend whose lunch date has been somewhat solo up until this point. The baby sat in my lap squirmy and antsy, due to the fact that her toys were in the diaper bag. I didn't dare open it in fear of releasing the smell of those butterry, poo filled clothes that were stashed inside, and not wanting to stink out the surrounding restaurant patrons. At this point, I was actually able to eat my soup and salad and have some conversation with my friend. As we were wrapping things up and the waiter was clearing the table, it's then at the speed of lightening my child goes for my water glass. As I try to save it, it goes flying across the table dumping everywhere including all over my friend's pants. I am mortified and repeatedly state how sorry I was. We did our best to sop up the mess with napkins, getting napkin donations from our surrounding table mates, and the waiter also assisting with towels. Trying to keep myself together, I thought well this can't get any worse, just hang in there. We started gathering our things to head out, and I put the baby back in her car seat. As I turned back around, I manage to knock over the other water, this time across the table and onto her 18 month old son. Again, we sop up with napkins, the waiter comes back over with towels, and it's at this moment I could no longer hold it together. I started to cry in utter embarrassment. My girlfriend reassured me it was no big deal, and that things like this happen. The fact that the staff was so understanding and awesome helped to. Then I look over and within seconds the baby had fallen asleep. Figures, NOW she sleeps. Finally, we head out to the car, I pack the baby in, get in the front seat and take in a deep sigh of relief. I get home, and all I can think about is getting back into my PJ tee, my comfort zone, even though it was now almost 2 pm. As I tried to wind down and recover from my lunch outing my best girlfriend calls, and I tell her about my outing while the baby is napping. We are both laughing hysterically along with me crying at the same time in relief that it was over. I was shocked once I hung up to realize we were on the phone for almost 2 hours!! As I reflected the day, I realized it didn't go well, but I made it. And I did it, and I got out of the house that I seem to be hibernating in. The afternoon carried on as usual. It's then something all too familiar hits my nostrils. I smell it again! Stinky, smelly, stench oozing from the diaper bag. "Crap!" I say to myself. (No pun intended) I forgot about the clothes in the diaper bag. Considering it was 4 hours later, let me tell ya, it wasn't pretty. Everything got to go in the wash immediately. Looking back on the day, at least with having such a chaotic lunch outing, they have to get better from here, right? I'm just proud of myself for doing it, and we all survived. Yeah me!


TIP FOR THE DAY: Don't poo where you eat. It stinks.